There are two conversations that I definitely wasn't planning on having at a goat creamery. One is a conversation about the benefits of having hermaphrodites around and the other is a conversation about getting checked regularly for stds. I guess I should explain further. Every so often the farms' mobile vet comes around to check on the goats. This past week he showed up to ultrasound all of the potentially pregnant ladies to confirm pregnancies. I could have saved him a trip though and confirmed 100% pregnancy success after one night of feeding the pregnant pasture. I was warned before the feeding that pregnant goats get a little peckish at night and that you shouldn't dawdle with the feed bucket. So, after absorbing said advice, I grab a bucket of grain and enter pregnant pasture at what I would call a brisk walk. As soon as my feet hit the inside of the pasture the previously peaceful pregnant ladies turned into a stampeding, foaming at the mouth, crazy eyed group of ravenous beasts. I was suddenly immobilized as the swarming mass of goats surrounded me and nearly crushed my legs to get a chance at head-butting the hand that feeds them and grab a mouthful of grain. I left the pasture battered and bruised with a better understanding of the phrase "never get in between a pregnant lady and her food." Needless to say, the veterinarian passed his ultrasound wand over bloated bellies to confirm that not only are they all pregnant but that many are actually carrying at least two kids. It's no wonder that grain bucket is so popular! But I digress...back to hermaphrodites and chlamydia. The herd manager wanted the vet to check out one of the teenage goats who was looking a little manly. Her top not (the patch of hair on top of the head) was raised in a coif that could easily be a throwback to Elvis, and her female parts were looking less and less female every day. The vet confirmed the suspicions that little Tala is a hermaphrodite. At first the diagnosis was met with gloom because the little goat that would once have lived a life as a milking lady was now looking increasingly like dinner. However, the vet lifted the sad atmosphere by remarking that hermaphrodites are actually priceless on a farm! Hooray, little Tala will actually have the best life of all the animals on the farm. Because.... well first a little background I think.
- Humans drink milk because milk and butter and cheese and cream are excellent.
- To get milk, dairy animals have to be milked twice a day. Without being milked twice a day, the animals have painfully full udders and will most likely dry up.
- To produce milk, dairy animals have to get pregnant and have babies about once a year. Awesome producers keep on producing milk for longer than a year after having kids and don't have to be bred as often. Unless of course you'd like their awesome genes to be copied into future dairy animals.
- To get pregnant and have babies...hold on to your seats...dairy animals have to be bred. At Toluma Farms this means each girly gets to spend a night with Pierre in the love shack...a little ol place where they can get together, the love shack baby yeah :)
- To successfully breed each lady you have to know when they are in heat and ready for some lovin. There are signs that are visible to the naked eye of course. These include increased vocalization (calls to man-goats), tail flagging/wagging, aggression towards other goats, etc... However, you have to be pretty experienced in the first place to notice these signs because they are all only an increase in what is normal behavior. And here is where Tala comes in handy.
How do I put this? Unlike eh-hem humans, goat lovin does not occur all the time. Breeding occurs only when the females are in heat (usually in the fall when the daylight is decreasing which leads to babies born in Spring when it is warm and the vegetation lush). If a male tries to get frisky at other times, he will get his goatee handed to him by a very unhappy girlie goat. I'd like to think this is the reason girl goats get to have horns as well as the males ;) So, to make this long story shorter, when the girls are in heat we will notice Tala "mating" with them (without unwanted pregnancies of course) and will be able to book the girls a night in the love shack pronto. Hence, Tala lives a long and happy life as the head of the herd instead of being served up as Cabrito al Pastor (broiled kid). P.S. You could really scare your children with that dinner menu!
So where does Chlamydia enter the equation you ask? Chlamydia enters the equation during the babies born part. Chlamydia not only runs rampant in human society, it runs rampant in herds of animals as well. Whoops, I should clarify a point before I am ousted from all good human society. As you all know, Chlamydia is an STD and we all know what the means in terms of disease transmission. However, while birthing goats you are often drenched in birthing fluids and if that birthing fluid is infected with Chlamydia there is a potential for you to catch the disease (bacteria to be exact). Our ladies are vaccinated for Chlamydia before being bred but the potential still exists to catch something not so nice. So, annual trips to the down there doctor are once again necessary for someone whose been faithfully married for three years. Can't you just see farmer John's wife coming through the door after getting a certain diagnosis. How well do you think farmer John does, explaining to his wife not to worry because he probably just got Chlamydia from his dairy goats?!?
